Thursday, November 13, 2008

An Apology to Nebraska

Wouldn’t you know it? The one person who reads my blog that I don’t personally know lives in Nebraska. Last week, I named Nebraska one of my three least favorite states, and I made some rather snide comments about the non-existent population. (I’m just glad that West Virginia doesn’t have the Internet yet.) A fellow blogger named Greenthumb left a comment below my post that said, “I live in Nebraska... Omaha, actually, as do over 1 million other people. Ya jerk.”

Mr. Greenthumb, please do accept my apologies. My intention was never to offend, but to simply point out that Nebraska is not really a state I enjoy driving through or flying over. And while I have yet to verify that this “Omaha” place exists, I realize that without a respectable amount of research on my part, my comments merely sounded ignorant and short-sighted.

So this weekend I decided to hop on a plane and visit our 30th-something state. My first pleasant surprise was that Nebraska had an airport and there was no need to assume the crash position upon landing. The airport even seemed to be made of sturdy materials.

Once I collected my luggage from Ken, the airport security guard/air-traffic controller, I had no trouble waving down a cab. I asked the cab driver if he had heard of this Omaha place. He told me to take off my watch, as the technology was spooking his horses.

I had reservations for that night at a nice little bed and breakfast in a town called Gatlin, but my cab driver informed me that all of the children there had murdered the adults and were into some weird cult stuff, so we set about finding a more suitable place for my big Nebraska weekend.

It turns out there is a town in Nebraska called Lincoln. It’s quite a nice city really. The townsfolk are pleasant enough, and upon arrival I was gifted with numerous baked goods and over twenty invitations to “come over and watch According to Jim.” And so that mystery is solved.

Over the weekend I learned many facts about Nebraska. For instance, did you know that the state slogan is “Nebraska. We Have Laundry to do this Weekend?” Here’s another fun fact: Nebraska is bordered by six other states, which gives every person in the US roughly a 12% chance that they may be unknowingly living right next to it. Check your maps! Also, Nebraska gave us Arbor Day which is the most important day for trees in the calendar year.

I spent most of the weekend talking to locals, learning what an “acre” was, and watching lots of television. Overall, I had a very pleasant time in the Cornhusker State. I may have even seen a unicorn on Sunday, but then again, that may have been the opium.

So, I’m happy to announce that I am removing Nebraska from my list of worst three states and replacing it with Alaska, a state whose greatest natural resource is Sarah Palin. And I am going to personally write a letter of apology to every single citizen of Nebraska, even if it takes me most of the afternoon.


Mad Scientist said...

Alaska still beats Nebraska, but they're both still -aska states, which speaks volumes.

Kate said...

Hey I'm a horse and I'm not spooked by technology. Ya jerk.

Anonymous said...

This dissin' of the states shit is going to come back and bite you in the ass Mr. Jordan! Love all the states equally or else I'll point at you, personally.

Anonymous said...

I agree with most of your points, however a few need to be discussed further, I will hold a small talk with my partners and maybe I will ask you some opinion soon.

- Henry

Anonymous said...

Hi all! I'm from London but am living in Berlin at the moment.
Gotta like this site!

[url=]Barrater is my life[/url]

Unknown said...

jordan 4
barcelona jersey
hollister pas cher
nike free 5.0
ugg outlet,
michael kors handbags
nba jerseys
ralph lauren
calvin klein underwear
air force 1 shoes
fivefingers shoes
oakley canada,
tory burch outlet
ysl outlet
air jordan 11
true religion jeans,
mulberry outlet
ferragamo shoes
kate spade handbags
moncler coats
nike free uk
michael kors outlet store,
mac cosmetics
lacoste outlet
mcm handbags
burberry outlet
ray ban sunglasses
oakley sunglasses,
kobe bryants shoes
cheap nfl jerseys
kate spade outlet
cheap toms
evening dresses
true religion outlet,
michael kors outlet online
tiffany and co jewelry

Unknown said...

toms shoes
chaussure louboutin
tiffany jewelry
mulberry handbags
mont blanc outlet
tory burch outlet online
michael kors outlet
longchamp pliage
cheap snapbacks
michael kors outlet
burberry outlet
tiffany outlet
nike roshe
iphone case uk
ralph lauren outlet
calvin klein outlet
kobe bryant shoes
adidas outlet
chrome hearts outlet
prada outlet
nike air force 1
tiffany jewellery
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
babyliss pro
adidas outlet store
fitflops shoes
michael kors outlet
lululemon pants
louis vuitton handbags outlet
cai20160602 said...

ray bans
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet store online
concords 11
kate spade outlet
louis vuitton purses
nike blazers uk
louis vuitton handbags
retro 11
nike air max 90
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
jordan 3s
cheap nfl jerseys
adidas nmd
michael kors outlet clearance
toms outlet
louboutin shoes
adidas running shoes
nike huarache
nike outlet store
michael kors outlet
kobe 8
louis vuitton outlet
true religion outlet
oakley sunglasses
oakley sunglasses

Unknown said...

louis vuitton outlet online
adidas nmd white
prada sunglasses
under armour shoes
adidas supercolor
coach outlet
rolex watches
nfl jerseys wholesale
lacoste outlet
burberry outlet
asics gel nimbus
true religion outlet
sac longchamp
kate spade outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
ugg boots canada
vans sk8 hi
rolex replica watches
running shoes
nike air max
pandora outlet
supra for sale
ralph lauren pas cher
armani exchange
michael kors purses
true religion jeans
coach outlet
louis vuitton pas cher
louis vuitton handbags
cheap oakley sunglasses
air max 2016
michael kors outlet
oakley vault
longchamp bags
coach outlet

Unknown said...

ralph lauren outletferragamo shoesrolex watches,rolex replica watches,replica rolex watches,replica watchesair jordan 4nike air force 1michael kors outletmichael kors outlet onlineugg outlet storecheap nike shoes salelongchamp soldemichael kors handbags outletnike outlet storemichael kors wholesaletiffany jewelrynike roshe runceline outletcoach outletmichael kors outlet clearanceadidas shoeslouis vuitton handbagstrue religion outlet ukcoach outlet onlineysl outletmichael kors outlet clearanceray ban sunglassestiffany and coferragamo shoesmichael kors handbagsugg bootsadidas wings shoesmichael kors outlet ukoakley sunglasses wholesalenike outlet storemichael kors handbagsnike foampositehermes outlet storemcm backpack0805jianxiang

raybanoutlet001 said...

fitflops outlet
kobe shoes
adidas yeezy uk
adidas tubular x
nike zoom
nike huarache sale
adidas superstar

Unknown said...

michael kors handbags
canada goose
los angeles lakers jerseys
jimmy choo
washington redskins jerseys
michael kors handbags
nike trainers
tennessee titans jersey
hermes belt
pandora outlet

Unknown said...

michael kors outlet clearance
puma shoes
gucci outlet store
michael kors wallets for women
tory burch outlet online
louis vuitton outlet
ralph lauren outlet
nike store uk
mcm backpacks
pandora jewelry