Monday, May 5, 2008

Random Thoughts and Interesting Facts

Sometimes I wonder how many people were so inspired by Macaulay Culkin’s rap on Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” video that they decided they would never again be racist. And then I wonder if these same people ever figured out that Macaulay Culkin was just lip-synching.

Werefish got the short end of the lycanthrope stick. You see, Werefish don’t live long because they usually aren't around a bucket of water when a full moon rises.

Did you know that America’s Funniest Home Videos is still on television?

Just for fun, I think that the lottery should have an “everybody wins” promotion where they draw all the balls, and everybody wins their dollar back.

Can you lose track of your thoughts if you are thinking about trains?

A lot of people say they have “gaydar.” I have something called “atractdar,” which means that I can tell if someone is attractive just by looking at them.

My sister and I have the type of relationship where we both have the same parents.

I have a new idea for a restaurant. It’s like the sushi restaurants where the sushi comes by on a conveyor belt. In my place, when you order a piece of sushi it's delivered by a hamster wearing a backpack.

You know your girlfriend is young when you ask her if she’s going to vote, and she tells you that she’s decided that she isn’t going to prom this year.

A lot of people think it’s homophobic when athletes say that they don’t want a gay man on their team because they don’t want that man checking them out in the shower. But it’s true-- gay men do look at you in the shower. I know because I joined a gay gym and every time I shower I have five or six men come up to me and say, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

I just got a new pet fish. He’s a clown fish. He has a little flower on his chest that shoots air on my face.

I think there may be a ghost in my house. Every so often my belt disappears from its usual spot, only to appear days later. And sometimes late at night I hear weeping. Either the ghost is sad that the afterlife involves dealing with loose trousers, or my girlfriend is still coming to terms with the fact that she moved in with someone who alphabetizes the spice rack.


Joe said...

Bravo, quasi-relative, bravo.

stoopidcomix said...

I'm stealing most of these, FYI.

And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

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