Thursday, September 11, 2008

My Life Is All About Balance Too. 'Cause I'm a Gymnast.


Yesterday it was brought to my attention that Cameron Diaz has a long list of demands that any potential partner must meet before they achieve official boyfriend status.

She told InStyle, "My list is all about balance. You can have smart but not funny. You can have funny but not very smart. You can have intellectual but not social. But I want it all! I love big brains, I love to eat, I love to be outdoors, I love to have conversations, I love to make love. I don't do anything half-assed, and I want someone who can keep up with all that."

Funny. I have my own list of demands that a potential girlfriend must meet. Here it is:

1. Must brush teeth. And hers as well.

2. Must be willing to observe Weird Al Yankovic Day on the 23rd of every month, at which time she will dress up as Weird Al and sing “I Want a New Duck” three consecutive times while I do sit-ups.

3. Must agree to sign a confidentiality agreement stating that she will never disclose to anyone at anytime my obsession with Gossip Girl star Chase Crawford.

4. Must never say the word “guacamole” in my presence.

5. Every time she tells me she misses me, she must immediately follow that statement with “like the deserts miss the rain.”

6. Must be able to cook human flesh, just in case.

7. Must like the outdoors and sleep there.

8. When a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, she must let me know.

9. Must be willing to sign a prenuptial prenup stating that if we ever get married she will then sign a prenuptial agreement offering me all of her money in case of divorce.

10. Must start returning my phone calls. I’m only going to call, like, seven more times before I start sending threatening letters.

(Thanks to Cameron Diaz beat reporter Brendan Muldoon for additional reporting.)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I once saw Cameron Diaz in the Hollywood Hills and years later at a fish market in Japan. I think she's stalking me.

I also think George Clooney's ex girfriend is stalking me too because she once asked me where the bathroom is and months later appeared on the same elevator with me.

I guess I intimidate them.

Junda Xu said...

20151026 junda
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
nfl jerseys
cheap ugg boots
Coach Factory Outlet Online Sale
air max 95,nike golf,nike janoski,air max 1,nike canada,nike plus,nike shox,nike factory store
Louboutin Red Bottoms Shoes Outlet
oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
ralph lauren polo
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet sale
ugg boots
Authentic Louis Vuitton Handbags Cheap Online
mont blanc
michael kors outlet
Gucci Outlet Online Sale
michael kors handbags
Authentic Louis Vuitton Belts Outlet Store
michael kors outlet
Coach Factory Outlet Private Sale
true religion jeans
tory burch outlet
Oakley Vault Outlet Store Online
hollister clothing store
nike trainers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Official Site
michael kors handbag
Louis Vuitton Handbags Factory Store
uggs australia

Minko Chen said...

mcm backpack
ray ban outlet
canada goose jackets
swarovski crystal
ray ban,rayban,occhiali ray ban,ray-ban,ray ban occhiali,ray ban sunglasses
hermes birkin bag
puma outlet
nba jerseys
ray-ban sunglasses
kobe shoes
cheap ray ban sunglasses
oakley sunglasses wholesale
the north face outlet
nike running shoes
valentino outlet
canada goose coats
ugg boots
christian louboutin shoes
north face outlet store
chanel handbags outlet
1105minko