Thursday, January 29, 2009

25 Random Facts About Me

1. My dream when I was young was to be a curling commentator for NBC, mostly because I only wanted to work once every 4 years.

2. Now that it’s illegal to text and drive in California, I’m thinking that my hands-free texting device is finally going to start making some money.

3. Every time I suddenly come up with an idea it’s “open a light bulb store.”

4. The other day I met a man who played water polo. I asked him how he got the horses in the pool. He never answered.

5. I was once a stand up comedian. The worst crowd I ever performed for was an audience of crickets.

6. When I was 13 I wanted to buy beer so badly that I became addicted to crystal meth, which made me look 23.

7. I’m not racist because I always ask tall black men if they play volleyball.

8. I once ate a man, and I wasn’t even in a plane crash or starving or anything. He just looked like he tasted good.

9. I’m named after Nathan Kingsley, the last of the great aviator pioneers to crash and die before the Wright Brothers became the first men to actually fly.

10. I’ve been called the Filipino James Dean of my generation (the sausage guy, not the actor).

11. Before that dance movie came out, You Got Served was the original title of my screenplay about talking tennis balls.

12. I truly believe the Mead, Five Star Binders really only deserve 3 ½ stars.

13. I coined the phrase, “She’s got the driest skin in the lotion factory.”

14. I have a truly creepy collection of Disney collector’s plates.

15. If you ask me to dance I might say “yes.” Or I might just punch you in the face.

16. I was eliminated on Top Chef last night after my “here’s a bunch of random shit on a plate” dish didn’t go over well with the judges.

17. I recently discovered a place called the “library.” It’s like a video store, except instead of porn they have books, and instead of booths where you can masturbate, you have to just do it in the open.

18. If there are three things I hate about myself it’s my tendency to overestimate.

19. I’m really into girls who think that the small stubby appendage of an unborn twin sticking out of a guy’s stomach is attractive.

20. Whenever I make a list, I always end the list five items too soon.


Anonymous said...

Nathan, there's absolutely nothing random about you...

Anonymous said...

10, 13 and 17 -- hilarious.

Kate said...

1-20 are HILARIOUS!

Anonymous said...


Joe said...

I'm trying to figure out an how one would use the phrase "she's got the driest skin in the lotion factory." Can you use it in context?

Nathan said...

Sure Joe,

"Well you know what they say, 'she's got the driest skin in the lotion factory.'"

Hope that helps.

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